


I'm flawed, Is that okay?

by Andrewsasaint



Category: One Day at a Time (TV 2017)
Genre: Alex has an eating disorder, Alex needs a hug, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Gen, Inspired by a Demi Lovato Song, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, Peneople is still badass, Trans Male Character, one day at a time, schneider is transgender, scott had an eating disorder, scott is a single parent, used Demi lovato lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23242792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andrewsasaint/pseuds/Andrewsasaint
Summary: Short stories inspired by the song I love me by Demi Lovato.Its about problems Penelope, Elena, and Alex face about food, marriage, and acceptance.Trigger warning for people suffering or recovering from anorexia or Bulimia.
Relationships: Alex Alvarez & Penelope Alvarez, Berto Riera/Lydia Riera, Elena Alvarez & Penelope Alvarez & Lydia Riera, Elena Alvarez/Syd, Penelope Alvarez/Schneider
Kudos: 56





	1. Its never, isn't it

**Flippin’ through all these magazines**   
**Telling me who I’m supposed to be**

Elena would never say it but she was scared. Scared to go outside with her sydnificant other after what happened. But looking down at these magazines was angering her.  
She didn’t have to love a man to be happy.  
Why did people have a hard time seeing that?  
Why was it hard for him to accept her?  
She felt a tear roll down her face as she thought of her father. It landed on the page she was staring at.  
It was festive in color to try and demonstrate pride but it had a photo of a man and a woman, which angered her in the first place.  
The man reminded her of her father but she couldn’t tell you why and the loud colors were a painful reminder of the fact that her father didn’t accept her.

**Way too good at camouflage**   
**Can't see what I am, I just see what I'm not**

Penelope had a sense of style you couldn’t tone down if you tried. But at the same time the woman would say that it was all together tame.  
However, joining the army made it so she forgot what she liked and what she didn’t. It was like she was a baby going through the clothes aisle trying to find what fancied her. Looking at all the dull clothing only made her mind wander over to the conversation her and her mother had.  
It was about her marriage going south and how it didn’t match the Cuban culture. Her mother always did know how to make her feel bad.  
She could always call Schneider but she didn’t really feel like it right at this very moment. All Penelope needed to be focused on was shopping for new clothes because her old ones got ripped by Alex.

**I'm guilty 'bout everything that I eat (Every single day)**   
**Feelin' myself is a felony**   
**Jedi level sabotage**   
**Voices in my head make up my entourage**

It was a normal day but for Alex, it was the worst day somebody could ever have. They had been shoving food down his throat since they found out he was underweight in hopes to help him gain weight.  
Well, they didn’t know that his tooth brush went down his throat after almost every meal. But what they don’t know won’t kill them. All that mattered was that he got back down to the weight he was before he started to put on weight.  
“Their jealous of you”  
They were jealous of him. He was skinny and that meant he was on the way to being perfect. They wanted to change him because he was perfect and they couldn’t handle that. That was their problem and he needed to be skinny.  
He needed to be perfect.  
So when he was looking down at his dinner, he couldn’t eat it.  
He just…  
He couldn’t.  
Alex felt this anxiety in the pit of his stomach and his hands were shaking.  
Was this what it was like to have a panic attack?

He couldn’t eat dinner because it had a thousand calories compacted into it.  
They put grease onto his plate while he wasn’t looking. They all thought he was stupid but he knew what they were doing.  
They were trying to get him fat and he couldn’t be fat.  
He just might die if that happened.  
“Um….I don’t feel really good. Can I be excused?” Alex asked his mother.  
“Papito, you feeling okay, you look kinda pale” Abulita asked, putting a hand to his forehead.

He pulled away from it and looked back at his mother who had yet to say anything.  
“Ya, okay. You can be excused” Penelope said looking deep into her son's eyes.

Alex got up and went to his room. He needed to get rid of the soda that he drank but he didn’t want to disturb his family. If they hear him then it would be lights out for losing weight and that is something that he needed to do.  
“Do it anyways”  
“Fat”  
“You look like a whale”  
“It’ll cause you to gain weight”  


Feeling that anxiety creep back in, he got up and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He turned on the shower and grabbed the toothbrush from the cup.  
He grabbed a hold onto the bristle and put the end down his throat. It hurt and all that came up was bile that burned his throat.  
It brought tears to his eyes and he was stopping every couple of seconds to make sure nobody was going to come in, even though it was locked.  
After he was done, he got undressed and was going to get into the shower. He grabbed the towel and swiped the mirror.  
His stomach fat was overflowing and his arms were filled with fat. There was hardly any muscle, just fat. Everywhere on his body was a surprising amount of fat, it bugged him.  
A pounding at the door startled him.

“I’ll be out in a second just wait” Alex said and jumped into the shower.

He didn’t wash anything, he was in the shower only long enough to get wet. Alex grabbed the towel and put his clothes back on.  
He went into his room and fell asleep once his head hit the pillow. What he didn’t know was what Elena discovered after he left. His toothbrush was on top of the bathroom toilet, the end still covered in bile.


	2. A little bit of history caused all this anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope has some concerns about Alex and Schneider battles his past.

**Cause I'm a black belt when I'm beating up on myself**   
**But I'm an expert at giving love to somebody else**

Penelope had such a wonderful time with Max. She loved her life the way it was but….  
Something was wrong, she felt it in her gut. Something with Alex.  
He was paler, underweight and hardly ate anything in front of the family anymore.  
Could it be…… No. It's Alex. Yes, he cared about his looks but he wouldn’t do that. Would he?

"Pen, you okay?” A voice asked from behind her.

Penelope startled, looked up at Max and nodded.

“I’m fine, just...thinking about Alex” She confessed.

“What's wrong with him?” Max asked, coming around the couch to sit down beside Penelope.

In this light, he looked absolutely handsome, his chiseled abs becoming known to the world as his shirt rode up.  
STOP, STOP! This is about Alex not about Max and his...amazing abs.

“I think he has an eating disorder,” Penelope admitted.

**I, me, myself and I don't see eye to eye**   
**Me, myself and I**

He looked at himself in the mirror, running his hands over his exposed torso. It was curved in a way he didn’t want it to be. It reminded him who he was and everything he went through.  
Schneider started drinking to cope with what he was feeling and soon he found himself drinking over every little problem he had. Now when he looks at a bottle of booze, he thinks of a scared, sad little girl drinking that god awful alcohol.  
He went over to The Alvarez’s like always but other people noticed he was acting a little...differently than how he was.  
All he ever wanted was to be happy. He came to a new country, went through rehab and worked his butt off but today he felt like no matter how much he accomplished, he would always be that little girl he was in his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to say again, my grammar isn't very good and you can correct me if I made any mistakes.  
> I don't own one day at a time.


	3. London Bridge is falling down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This next verse sheds more light on Alex's eating disorder and how the family reacts. Also Victor reevaluates his relationship with Elena and Penelope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song and One Day at a Time is not mine.

**Oh, why do I compare myself to everyone?**   
**And I always got my finger on the self-destruct**

When Elena first went into the bathroom, she didn’t notice anything was wrong. She went to the sink, grabbed her toothbrush, her toothpaste and was about to wet it when she noticed Alex’s toothbrush was gone.  
That is what confused her. With a little investigation, she found the toothbrush on the toilet. Elena picked up the toothbrush and was disgusted by the liquid that hit her hand. She immediately dropped the toothbrush, making a bang as it dropped to the floor.  
A passing Penelope looked at her daughter with confusion, stepping into the bathroom.

“What?”

“Uh…..nothing, I just…..saw Alex’s toothbrush on the ground” Elena stuttered out.

“What is it doing on the floor?” Her Mami asked.

Elena only looked from the toothbrush to her Mami. She didn’t want to lie but then again, she didn’t know the truth either.

“Uh...I don’t know,” Elena replied.  


Penelope bent down to pick up the toothbrush, noting the bile but not reacting or saying anything and laying it on the counter. She then looked at her daughter who had a terrified expression on her face. For a couple of seconds she just stared into her daughter's eyes trying to detect any trace of lie. With that, Penelope left the bathroom, making a mental note to talk to Alex about her findings.  
Penelope got into bed, her tiredness erasing any thought that was floating around in her brain.

**DREAM**   
_They were all dressed in black and it was raining outside. It got in her hair and went down her body with an ease she seemed to ignore. The rain bite away at her skin and settles itself in her bones, chatting away with the sadness in her stomach._   
_Penelope looked up from the black coffin to look around her. She was all by herself._   
_Nobody else came? Not Elena, or Schneider, or Mami?_   
_She didn’t see who was in the coffin, but in her gut she knew it was her little boy._   
_She didn’t address his eating disorder and because of that it killed him._   
_Then Elena, Mami, her brother Tito and Schneider all put their hand on her right shoulder, putting hard pressure on it. They all looked at her before shifting their eyes towards the horizon line._   
_Just as their eyes started to turn white they started to chant: Fault, Fault, IT'S YOUR FAULT._   
_They said this four or five times before they turned their white eyes towards Penelope and grabbed her left shoulder and started to lift her body. She went up and up into the sky, a high pitched screech that Mami was making overpowered the matra they others were saying._

_Then with a crash she was in hell and she felt like her body was boiling from the inside out and her skin was melting. Penelope looked up at what used to be the sky but it was all just red. That's when she realized the noise she was hearing._   
_FAULT_   
_FAULT_   
_IT’S YOUR FAULT_   
**DREAM END**

She bolted up and shut off her alarm. Her face was drenched with sweat and she was panting.  
All she could do was sit in the dark, pondering over what she had just dreamt.

**I wonder when I love me is enough (Yeah, yeah, yeah)**   
**I wonder when I love me is enough (Yeah, yeah, yeah)**

Alex got up, dressed, and ready for the day just like he usually did. That is, until he reached the bathroom. He noticed that his toothbrush was on the counter and instead of the holder like it usually was.

OH GOD

He didn’t leave his toothbrush on the toilet did he? But as he tried to remember last night, he found that he couldn’t remember if he did or not. That put his anxiety into overdrive.  


THEY'RE ALL WATCHING YOU NOW   
THEY'RE ALL JUDGING YOU

“Alex. Alex” a voice called him.

He looked from his toothbrush to his Mami who had a look of pity in her eyes.  
OH GOD HE DID

“Yes Mami?” Alex asked.

His Mami walked into the bathroom and went into the cabinet under the sink. She pulled out a scale and shifted it on before setting it on the floor. Mami looked from him to the scale.  


YOU’LL BREAK IT IF YOU STEP ON IT   
I BET YOU’VE GAINED 10 POUNDS JUST SMELLING THAT FOOD

“Get on it please” She said in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

Alex did as he was told but his eating disorder voice was screaming at him.  
97 pounds it read  
Mami looked away but Alex already saw that there were tears in her eyes.

“We’re going to have a talk and then get you to see a doctor after school”

**Why am I always looking for a ride or die?**   
**'Cause mine's the only heart I'm gonna have for life**   
**After all the times I went and fucked it up**

“You're jumping into a marriage awfully fast” Nicole’s father said.

“I’m always really busy and I wanted to know that if things got serious, I would have your blessing” Victor stated to Nicole’s father.

He was shaking and rather nervous but he would never admit that.  
Victor missed Penelope and hoped to God and back that the kiss would change her mind about the divorce.  
And what he did to Elena. He didn’t even know where to begin when it came to Elena. He hurt her and he didn’t know how to fix it.

**I wonder when I love me is enough (Yeah, yeah, yeah)**

The two just stared at each other for a while, the air heavy. Mami left the bathroom and Alex just stood there in shock.  
One mistake was all it took for Alex Alvarez to come crashing down.


	4. flashbacks and memories cause horrors to all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex passes out and Schneider has a strange dream
> 
> TW  
> Eating disorder  
> drugs

**(All the times I went and fucked it up)**   
**I wonder when I love me is enough (yeah, yeah, yeah)**

The car ride was a rather silent one. Elena knew, Abulita knew, Mami knew. They all knew what was going to happen.

THEY KNOW   
THEY KNOW   
THEY KNOW   
AND THEY’LL MAKE YOU FAT   
FAT   
YOUR FAT   
MAKE YOU FATTER THAN YOU ALREADY ARE

“I will….drop Elena off at the house and me and Alex will….go to the clinic I work at and get you checked out by Berkowitz” Mami explained.

Alex just nodded numbly, not really sure with what to say. He didn’t want to go to the doctor but he had no choice. He could run away...No he’b be caught for sure.  
Alex wasn’t sure what to do about it. He needed to up his weight without gaining any weight. Maybe he could put heavy but not so noticeable things in his pockets.  
So throughout school Alex downed a lot of water and when nobody was looking, he would grab handfuls of rocks and pebbles and put them in his pockets.

PE came around and if he were being honest, he was kind of nervous. But then again, he always was when it came to showing off his body. He was fat and nobody deserved to say that. But he changed quickly, being careful to not disturb the grave he was collecting in his pockets and his shoes.  
After changing, he went back into the gym and joined his class. He and the rest of the class stretched and started their mile test. Alex started to feel a little floaty while running. He loved that feeling. It made him feel like he was doing something right. Afterwards however, he would shake for the longest time. He would have to eat something to make sure he didn’t pass out but not today. Alex may be floaty and shaky but he had to not eat anything. He COULDN’T gain weight.

Not today.

So when the period was over and lunch came, he got food but didn’t eat anything. He wanted to but all he did was down his drink. He would refill it before class.

“Why aren’t you eating?” Ethan asked, shoving a pizza in his mouth.

“Oh, um...I’m just not hungry” Alex replied.

Then he went to the bathroom and threw up all the water he had been drinking at PE and lunch. Apparently his stomach couldn’t handle all the water. He tried putting his pencil but he didn’t trust it with the eraser, so he shoved his fingers down his throat.  
The water came up fast and he felt like Elena with his mouth wide as it rushed out of him. A couple minutes of just doing that went by of just doing that.  
He flushed the toilet and went to get up but black spots entered his vision and he fell. When he fell, he hit his chin on the toilet seat. Then he passed out.

Alex found himself on the floor of the bathroom.He got up but his body was still on the floor.

“What?”

“You're dead” A voice said to him.

“What? I just fell. How am I dead?” Alex asked.

He asked the question even though he didn’t know who he was talking to. Suddenly a tall figure pulled Alex from the bathroom. Alex looked up at the figure, trying to make out its features but for the life of him, he couldn’t.

“Your body failed you. Your brain failed you. And now you get to suffer. You get to see how others react and how others will suffer. BECAUSE OF YOU”

“What? I. I. Don’t understand?” Alex said.

Suddenly the scene changed. He was in a dimly lit house. The figure guided him to a bedroom. It was of a little girl and her mother.

“Mommy, tell me about Uncle Alex? Grandma never talks about him” the little girl asked.  


The older woman sighed and went to lay beside the younger girl.

“He was my brother. He was nice and smart-” The older woman began.

“No, No, No Mommy. Tell me a story” The little girl demanded.

The elder woman then began to tell stories that Elena and Alex shared.

“He was there for me when I first realized I liked girls. He was hiding from his friend and his lightsaber went off”

“Lightsaber” the little girl laughed.

“Yea, lightsaber. But he came out from hiding and told me he would be there for me no matter what” The woman-Elena finished.

The scene changed again and it was raining outside. A sadness hit his gut and it felt like it was settling itself in his bones.  
His family was dressed in black but he wasn’t there. Was that….?

“Yes. They're burying you” The unknown figure said.  


It felt like the voice boomed out into the world but nobody looked at the figure. Alex walked over to the grave stone and touched the top. His gut was in knots. Then. he crouched down to look at the casket and touched the top.

“Nobody should bury their grandson” Abulita cried.

Then he was back at the bathroom but he was still just watching his body. He was seizing and blood was flowing from his chin where he hit the toilet. The school nurse had a boy climb under the stall and unlock the door. But the boy was shocked and all he could do for a while was just stare at the shaking boy.  
And then he unlocked it and ran from the stall. But he didn’t make it to another without vomiting. When he left he had stopped shaking, stopped living, and forever slept.

Alex woke to a banging on the stall.

“Alex?”

“You okay dude? It's been almost fifteen minutes” Ethan asked.

“Uh...Ya” Alex said

He got up and unlocked the stall. This shocked Ethan and he grabbed Alex as he fell again.

“Let’s take you to the nurse man. You're bleeding” Ethan said.

Alex only nodded, not having the energy to say or do anything else.

**Yeah, yeah**   
**Yeah, yeah**   
**Yeah, yeah**   
**Yeah, yeah**   
**I wonder when I love me is enough**   
**I wonder when I love me is enough**

Schneider changed into Pj’s and got ready for bed. He fixed his hair, brushed his teeth, locked the front door, shut off the lights, removed his glasses, and got into bed.

**DREAM**   
_“I give you everything! Why must you do this? Why must you hurt yourself in this way?” Father asked him._

_“I’m not hurting myself. I’m trying to be true to myself” He explained._

_“GET OUT OF HERE! GO! If you are going to do that then….you are not welcome here” Father said and pointed to the door._

_“But, Dad,” he started._

_“Go! I don’t want you here” His father demanded._

_“Can I get my things?” He asked._

_“No! Get out” His father barked._

_So Schneider stepped out that door and it felt like something in his soul had died. He pulled out some money he had and bought some coke. He then snorted it and sighed._ _That night, he stayed with his nanny. S_ _he went out and found him, high out of his mind in an alleyway with some beer he had stolen from a liquor store._   
_She found him, brought him to her house, fed him a good meal and put him to bed on the couch._

_A couple days later, he went back to his father and apologized for his ‘selfishness’._   
_He remembered something his nanny said to him in that time period he lived with her._

_“Sometimes there are going to be rude people and you need to suck it up, get work done and then leave. Leave and never come back”_


	5. Your surprise changed my plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is freaked out over the dream he had.  
> Penelope takes Alex to the clinic to figure out what is wrong.  
> And Scott proves that people can change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning  
> eating disorders

**Haters that live on the internet**   
**Live in my head, should be paying rent**   
**I'm way to good at listening**   
**All these comments fucking up my energy**

He left with a band-aid and an ice pack. But the rest of the day went by slowly. It’s like somebody did this on purpose and all he wanted to do was scream at them. His head was pounding and his hands like usual were shaking like they always did after he felt floaty.

He wanted to eat. After what he saw, he wanted to eat. But he couldn’t find it in him to eat. It was like somebody was slowing down time to put anxiety in his gut and close up his throat but not letting anybody else help him.

YOU DON’T DESERVE HELP   
YOUR NOT SICK ENOUGH FOR HELP

But that….dream? Had he died? No, no, he died.  
He died.  
In that dream he died.  
He died in that very bathroom he woke up in.  
And his family.  
Did they know?  
Did they know how he died?

“So what happened?” Ethan asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it” Alex responded.

Ethan gave Alex his backpack and they went to their class. Everybody looked at him as he sat his stuff down and handed the teacher the nurses note.  
Later, he got into the passenger seat of the car feeling just as numb as he did on that bathroom floor.  


There was a tension in the car that a knife couldn’t slice through. It choked him and made him feel like he was gagging. They were speaking but he couldn’t make out what she was saying.  
If she was talking to him, if Elena was talking. He didn’t know.

“Nobody should have to bury their grandson”

Suddenly they all turned to him and started throwing small pebbles that appeared out of nowhere.

“Fault,  
Fault,  
It’s your fault” Mami said.

“He was smart and nice,” Elena said in an antagonizing tone.

“He was my only son,” Viktor yelled, throwing pebbles at him.

“It’s your fault. It’s your fault. It’s your fault” one by one they started chanting it together.

They stopped throwing pebbles at him but walked over to him.  
Then they each grabbed him.

Victor grabbed his left leg,  
Elena the right.  
Penelope grabbed a shoulder and Lydia grabbed the other.  
Then they pushed him into the open grave.

The skeleton bones grabbed a hold of the boy with the weak beating heart and suddenly the ground gave way.  
They were falling deep, deep, down.  
Down, down, down to the deep bowls of hell.

But he screamed and screamed and screamed hoping somebody would hear him but a part of him knew nobody would save him.

“It’s your fault” The featureless figure said.

“What is my fault? Why do they keep saying that?”

“Because it’s true. Your brain”

Alex jerked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“We’re here,” Mami said, with a sad smile on her face.

“Okay” Alex said, out of breath.

They got out of the car and walked towards the glass doors. Entering it felt hard because he knew where he was going. He knew what was going to happen.  
He followed his Mami and soon enough they were at the clinic.  
Scott looked up at the two and his eyebrows sprung slightly.

“What are you doing here, it's your day off?” He asked, straightening his spine from the hunched position he was in.

“I want Berkowitz to do a physical on Alex”

“He’s not in today. I’ll do it” Scott said, putting his things down and grabbing his clipboard from his desk.

“No, I want Berkowitz”

“Mom” Alex pleaded.

She looked down at her son and sighed.

“Fine. You can do it” Mami sighed.

Alex and Scott went into an exam room, Mami following close behind.

“You're a nurse. Why are you making me do this stuff?” Scott asked as he took his vitals and blood pressure.

“I wanted an outside of the family opinion” Mami said and you could hear the terror in her voice.

That made Scott stop what he was doing and look up at her.  
He grabbed her and pulled her out into the hallway. For once, Scott was acting like a decent human being.

“What's going on with Alex that makes you think that he needs a physical?”

“I don’t think he needs a physical Scott” Penelope snapped.

Scott didn’t respond that time, confusion taking over. Penelope saw that and sighed.

“I found his tooth brush covered in bile on the floor. He is 97 pounds. He’s stopped eating at dinner time and-”

“Wow, wow, wow, you think he has an eating disorder?” Scott asked, looking bewildered at her.

“Yes, but I didn’t want to ask him to flat out lie to me and then him getting hurt. Or what if I made it all up in my head?”

Seeing Penelope like that made him hurt. He didn’t like the majority of the time, yes. But this was Alex they were talking about. He felt like he had a close bond to Alex through his finsta. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He knew a friend-guy friend who had an eating disorder.

“Here’s what we're gonna do, I’m gonna take his height, weight, blood pressure, vitals, test his reflexes and if I see anything abnormal, I’ll tell you” Scott said.

“You were gonna do that anyways, how is that helping” Penelope cried.

“I’ll try to casually ask him questions that will hopefully explain what is going on. I’ll step out, tell you what he said and then he will be good to leave. Good?” Scott asked.

Penelope nodded and Scott went back into the exam room. He looked at Alex and couldn’t help but notice how different he looked. His eyes were sunken in and he was bony. There was definitely something wrong with Alex but he didn’t think it could be an eating disorder.  
He sat down on the black chair nearby and picked up his clip board.

“Okay, first I’m going to take your height then your weight” Scott said, more to himself than to Alex.

Alex got up and went to the spot on the wall that had the measurements and he adjusted it to fit his height. Then he got on the scale.  
96 lbs it read.  
Alex was visibly trembling and as he opened his eyes, he seemed to relax before putting up a wall to hide his emotions.

“You're rather skinny Alex, in fact, your underweight. Is there anything at home or school that could be causing this?” He asked as he scratched away at the chart.

“Um...ya” Alex said, his voice sounding distant.  


Scott looked up at Alex with concern. That's when he noticed the bandaid. He walked over to Alex and lifted his chin up to see the bandaid.

“How did you get that?” Scott asked, trying to sound like he was actually curios and not just concerned.

“I fell”

“Where?”

“Excuse me?” Alex asked, startled.

“Where did you fall?”

“At the gym?”

“What were you doing to cause you to fall?”

“Why are you interrogating me?”

Scott looked the teenage boy in the eye and sighed. He wasn’t going to get the answers he wanted if Penelope was right.

“It says here that you need to do 20 jumping jacks and 10 push ups to….prove you don’t have a concussion”

“What?”

“Do it or I’ll get your mother”

His plan was that if he stopped eating and he fell, he would be on the verge of breaking down. Or at least his body would. He would give him IV fluids and tell his mom that she was probably right about his eating disorder.  
Alex got up rather slowly still shaking from PE. He did the jumping jacks and then the pushups panting the whole time but he didn’t pass out like Scott expected him to. Instead he got up and left.  
Scott heard the door open and slam shut.

“Pen-”

“No! What is wrong with you?. If he does have an eating disorder, those pushups won’t help him”

“I wanted him to pass out”

“What? What is wrong with you?”

“Then you would have to confront him about his problem and you would get him help. But it didn’t work” Scott explained.

Penelope’s face shifted to a softer one but her eyes were still guarded.

“You think he has an eating disorder?”

“By what you told me, ya. I had...a friend who had Anorexia. He almost died. He looks a lot like Alex does right now. Talk to him, even if you're wrong about this...Something is wrong” Scott pleaded.

**Flashback**

_“You could have died,” his mother yelled at him._

_“I don’t care! I’m not going” he demanded._

_“You are going Scott William, whether you like it or not” his mother yelled at him and dragged him into the car._

_“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you!” He screamed, kicking at the car._

_“Scott stop kicking my seat. You’re acting like a child” She scolded, looking back at him._

_Then a car hit them from out of nowhere._   
_The driver was killed instantly._

_“If I hadn’t done that, she would still be alive” He said to himself._

_He went into rehab two weeks later. He had a heart attack and almost died._

**Flashback over**

They were standing there, in this shocked silence of what he had said. Penelope turned away from Scott and faced towards the bathroom, waiting for her son to come out. When he did, he handed the cup of hot urine over to Scott who reluctantly took it.

They left and everything after that seemed perfectly normal but his mind kept swirling with memories of the crash. Today was one of those days. He just felt it in his bones. He finished what he was doing and drug tested the urine.  
It tested negative for anything, thank God.   
He put it where it was supposed to go and grabbed his things. Thank god it was nearing the end of his shift. He went to the bathroom but stopped to look at himself. He really had healed since then.

Dr.Berkowitz came back into the office in a hurry and set his stuff down. He looked frantic but from what, he couldn’t say.

“Thank you for staying while I was gone. I needed to uh...do something I forgot to” Dr. B said.

“Oh no it’s fine. I had nothing better to do anyways” Scott said and started to head for the exit.

“Have a good day Dr. B” he said and waved bye behind his back.

He checked the time, he should get there if he hurried. So, he stepped on the gas.  
When he did get there, he parked in line with all the other waiting cars, some behind, some in front. Then the tsunami of kids was released. He could hear them from inside his car.

“Daddy!” His little girl exclaimed.

Scott got out to help his little girl out with her seatbelt.

“Hi little one. How was your day?” He asked.

“Oh, it was soooo good daddy” the little girl exclaimed happily.

Scott smiled to himself. He finally understood what Penelope had said about being a mother. He would put his child above anything in his life. Little Amelia was more important.


	6. Can a little girl get a bad reputation?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott remembers the first day he met his daughter and mayhem ensues when they find something troubling on Dr. Berkowitz's phone.

**Cause I'm a black belt when I'm beating up on myself**   
**But I'm an expert at giving love to somebody else**

Scott woke up the next day full of regret. His plan didn’t go the way he wanted it to.  
God, he hoped he was wrong about Alex. He wanted to-hoped to be wrong.  
For once in his life he would be happy with that. Happy if it meant that Alex didn’t have that disorder.

“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” Amelia chanted happily.

He smiled, picking up his daughter and set her on his lap.

“Good morning, Princess. How did you sleep”

“Good Daddy. I dreamt I was a mermaid and had a grand castle too” She said.

“But if you're a mermaid, how would you have a castle?” Scott asked.

“The castles underwater Daddy” Amelia replied happily.

“Oh okay. I understand” Scott said, grabbing hold of her as he got out of bed.

He set her down at the table and started to make breakfast. Cereal was her favorite breakfast food. He was expecting pancakes but instead he got a very eager request to have cereal.  
Scott still remembers the first day she got her. He had a one-night stand with somebody and got her pregnant. But the lady refused to tell him until Amelia was a little bit older.

He was called up while being at work and it was the women. She told Scott to meet her at a daycare called Tutor Time. He was confused at first but started to get a bit anxious because he had pieced together what that had meant.

And in the end, he was right.

He had a child with a woman he hardly knew.

“Is this Daddy?” The little girl asked.

He remembered the first time he heard her say that. It had made him feel anxious and nervous. But from the moment he saw her, with her blue doey eyes and button nose, he loved her.  
Not in a romantic way but more of a fatherly love.

He wanted to protect her, shield her away from everything harmful in this world. Give her the best life she could possibly have.

The mother handed over parental rights and left, never to be seen after that day. She had claimed that she could no longer take care of the child but when she could, she would come back and get Amelia.

“I don’t wanna impose on your life too much but I just can’t take care of her right now” She had said to him.

It had been about a year and the only thing he regretted was not being there for her sooner.

**I, me, myself and**   
**I, don't see eye to**   
**Eye, me, myself and**   
**I**

Penelope finding out about Amelia’s existence was a bit messy. Leslie was over like he always was, showing off his daughters.

“That’s my eldest daughter and that’s her boyfriend and her child” He said showing Elena and Alex.

Lydia was on the other side of him.

“Oh, that’s my youngest daughter. She speaks to me more the eldest does but I don’t blame her”

He passed the phone to Alex so he could see but he accidently swiped to the next picture. It was a picture of a brown haired, blue eyed toddler of probably 4 or 5.

“Oh. Dr.Berkowitz, who’s this?” Alex asked, handing back the phone back to him.

“Oh, uh…”

At that moment, Penelope walked through the door. She smiled and said hi to her Mom and kids, then walked into the kitchen. Lydia snatched the phone and went into the kitchen to tell Penelope what was going on. But Lesile was trailing behind her.

“He has a photo of a toddler on his phone” Lydia reported.

“It could be his grandchild”

“I’ve seen his grandchildren, their not as beautiful”

Penelope looked up after that comment was made. Her eyes were full of worry now and her mind was racing with all kinds of thoughts.

“Mami, you can’t be saying…” She trailed off, not wanting to finish her sentence.

She didn’t want that sentence to be true. Just then, Leslie came in and tried to get his phone but Lydia wasn’t having it.

“Who is this and why is there a photo of a child on your phone?” Lydia demanded.

“He didn’t want me to tell you this but” Leslie trailed off, looking at the kitchen door.

“That’s Amelia. Scott’s daughter. The mother dropped her on his lap and ran off. He comes to me sometimes for parenting advice”.

That was not what they were expecting. A guilty feeling rippled through the two women. They believed wholeheartedly that he was a criminal when really he was helping out a coworker.

The next day however, Penelope confronted Scott.

“So, Berkowitz told me you have a daughter,” Penelope started.

Scott gave a ghast look to Dr. Berkowitz but he only shrugged and moved away, promising to explain it later. He sighed internally, not wanting to be berated by her.

“Yes, And?” he replied with.

“I have two children too ya know. I would be more than happy to help you with anything”

“Thank you, Penelope”


	7. Your worries clutter my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Elena find it hard to focus in school and Penelope is having trouble figuring what to do next

**Oh, why do I compare myself to everyone?**

**And I always got my finger on the self destruct**

The day had hardly started and he was already so done. The school days just seemed to drag. Their voices seemed to drone on in a flat kinda way. His friends would try to talk to him but he had spaced out a long time ago. After a while, they just stopped trying to include him in the conversation. 

Then, the bell rang and it was time for lunch. He sprang up, collected his things, and ran for the bathroom. Alex couldn’t stand being in the cafeteria. It made him nauseous to sit in there. Also, he could tell that people were judging him. They didn’t have to tell him because he already knew. They all judged him and he couldn’t handle that so he stopped eating lunch. 

He knew that his small friend group judged him. Before he stopped eating lunch, they would stare at him while he ate lunch. It was almost like a look of shock. It cut him to the bone to see those looks. But he was just so hungry and weak. He berated himself in his head afterward. Luckily for him, that has only happened a few times. 

**I wonder when I love me is enough (yeah, yeah, yeah)**

She hadn’t been able to focus in school all day. Don’t think she didn’t try because she did. But all she could think was why her skirt didn’t fit as well as it used to. She hadn’t been eating as much but then again she wasn’t really hungry. 

Elena thought of all the things that could have caused this but all that she thought of was the empty space on the wall where she used to keep his photo. All of this started to happen after he rejected her. He regretted her and then left. Her family may have hugged her at her quinceanera but it wasn’t the same as if her father would have been there. She wanted him to be there. 

**I wonder when I love me is enough (yeah, yeah, yeah)**

Penelope felt as though her family was falling apart. Alex most likely had an eating disorder. Elena wasn’t eating as much. Mami was well…..herself. It was all so much to deal with. But she wasn’t sure whether she should talk about it to the girls at group therapy. What her family was going through was really personal and somehow it didn’t feel right airing her family’s dirty laundry. 

So when it came to going to group therapy, she was nervous. It was strange to her. She hadn’t been nervous since she first started coming to therapy. Instead of being loud and airing all of her troubles, she was quiet, sat back, and listened to what everybody else had to say. 

It was nearing the end of the session and Pam had been eyeing Penelope all session. She had hardly said anything and that was not like her at all. When she started to talk, she didn’t stop but it wasn’t a bad thing. It got everyone to laugh and be more relaxed. It made her feel a bit better than even though she was new, Penelope wasn’t scared about opening up with what was going on with her life. 

“What’s going on with you Penelope? You’ve been kinda quiet lately” Pam asked. 

Penelope sighed, this was the moment she knew was going to happen. 

“Well...me and Alex have been having a bit of a problem lately but other than that...really nothing has been going on,” Penelope said. 

That vagueness concerned everyone but nobody was going to say anything. Not at first anyway. 

“What kind of problems have you been having with him?” Pam asked. 

She wasn’t going to say anything. Usually, she didn’t have to but this time, nobody had said anything. This hardly happened with this group of women but it happened from time to time. 

“He has been having some problems eating. That’s all” Penelope replied. 

“That’s all? You saying that’s all makes me believe there’s more” Jill said. 

“I just don’t feel comfortable with sharing what is going on” Penelope explained. 

“That’s okay, Penelope. When you are ready, you can come and talk to us” Pam said. 

Penelope nodded. Soon, the session ended and they all went home. Penelope didn’t know how to deal with what he was going through. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> My grammar is really bad I know, i'm sorry.  
> If i got anything wrong, please don't be afraid to let me know.  
> So, I thought that if somebody in the family were to have a problem with food it would be Alex because of the way he acts. He says often about being perfect and others depending on him looking good.


End file.
